This one's a little later than intended.
A couple days ago I turned 26-years-old. The last year has flown by, and I actually almost forgot it was my birthday when I woke up that morning. I quickly remembered, though, when Amanda said "happy birthday." Of course. Then I got a wonderful and touching birthday email from my sister that really drove the fact that it was my birthday home.
Time to get my own health insurance.
As I did last year, I'm going to take a few moments to look back on the months between my last birthday and this one. I think I can say that this birthday does not have that same feel of forward drive and optimism that 25 did. But I also think that that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Last year I moved out of my parents' house, got a new job, and wrote a book. It was a big year; a year of growth, progress, and huge changes. This year can be summed up in one word that I, after wrestling with it for a long time, can accept: stability.
There are two definitions of stability that I think of when I hear that word. The first is this: "continuance without change; permanence." The second is this: "steadfastness; constancy, as of character or purpose." Naturally there are numerous definitions of the word, but these are the two I want to look at, because reasons.
There's a tendency in our society, and not always a healthy one, to emphasize mobility. Everyone is so focused on what they could have, what they think they should be pushing for, that they fail to slow down and enjoy where they are right now. What this does, when the mentality is pushed to the extreme, is it gives someone a constant anxiety, a constant feeling of discontent associated with a misguided belief that not moving upward is the same as "stagnating." Stagnation and stability should not be conflated.
When I turned 25, having just finished the first draft of Aurora's Gate, I set the goal that I would finish the final draft and send it to publishers by the time I had turned 26. Well, I'm 26 and no, the novel is not quite ready to go to publishers. After some reflection, though, I realized that it was less because I had been lazy and more because I had set a goal that I did not know at the time was exceedingly difficult. Revision and editing is a long process; four more drafts (at least), while working full time, was an unreasonable demand.
Apart from that, the reality of this all is that I cannot expect every year to be as big as last year was. Last year was not the norm, but rather an exception to that norm; a year in which my life took huge, easily discernible, strides.
This year what I focused on instead was my stability, on maintaining what I have, and on beginning, on setting things in motion. Instead while trying to finish my book, I began studying for the LSATs, while also working full time. Instead of buying a house, or moving to a bigger, more expensive apartment, I stayed where I am so I could focus on saving my money. Instead of getting a new job, I built relationships at my current one, where I get to do work that I never thought I would be doing.
I began singing on a regular basis again, joining a local men's choir (Mendelssohn Club; check us out). I've been playing cello more than ever, rediscovering my love of music and wondering, more often than not, why I didn't pursue musical performance in college. I have always loved music as much as I love writing, yet I have starved that part of my spirit for so long. Finding that outlet again has given me a new energy that I did not realize I had lost.
This year I went gluten free and low FODMAP, by doctor's orders. By doing so I realized how much my health has suffered for months, if not years, of my life. This change has turned my life around in a very short time. I feel like my head has come out of a fog, like I can think more clearly than every before.
I also bought a new car, because my old one crapped the bed very early on in 2015.
And I focused on my interpersonal relationships. While I know I still have a ways to go on this, I really tried to make an effort to reach out more to my family, and my loved ones. I worked hard at making sure to see friends more, and to let them know how much I appreciate them being in my life. I have not perfected this, as I have never been either overly social or good at keeping in touch, but I'm getting there. Bit by bit, I'm getting there. I'm less afraid now to lean on those I love when I am struggling with my mental health, as I have this year.
It was not a perfect year, and some might say it was not a productive year. And yet, when I look back, I see that this was a year of stability for me. I stumbled, and I found my footing, and I came back stronger. Everything I have done, while not a huge step, has been a beginning of something huge to come. It was a stable year.
And I'm happy that it was.
26 is going to be a very good year. 26 is going to see many of these beginnings bear fruit. The first thing is coming this very weekend: NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month. I have officially signed up on the website, and I am going to use this month to come as my chance to write the final draft of Aurora's Gate. And that is just the first month. Who knows what I can do with the eleven that follow?
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