Once upon a time, I thought I was a broken man. Once upon a time, my life was shade, and cold, and pain. Once upon a time, I felt so utterly alone. Once upon a time, I realized I'm not. Once upon a time, I hated the mere thought of waking up in the morning, because of that feeling - that twist in my gut and the sense that every beat of my heart was the stab of a knife. Once upon a time, I had a smile that could not reach my eyes, because the smile was a mask for something more. Once upon a time, I loved someone more than I ever thought possible. Once upon a time I lost that someone and once upon a time, something far more fulfilling arose.
Once upon a time.
Once upon a time is once upon a time. It is a time that has passed. It is not now. Let once upon a time stay where it belongs - in "once upon a time." Pain is an inevitable part of life, but suffering is a choice and sometimes we make it without realizing. Sometimes it's our subconscious that chooses the suffering and our consciousness is pulled along for the ride. But just as we choose suffering, we choose to put it behind us. Again, sometimes it's not even of our conscious will, but because of something our subconscious does.
Once upon a time, I thought I was a broken man. Now, I know I'm more complete than ever I have been. Once upon a time my life was shade, and cold, and pain. Now, my life is bright, and warm, and joyous. Once upon a time I thought I was alone. But no, I was so wrong. I'm single, yes, but never alone. I have the best friends and family that anyone could even dream of having. I just needed to open my eyes and see that I am blessed. Once upon a time I hated to wake up because of the twist in my gut and the pain in my chest and the tears in my eyes. Now, I love to wake up and smell the brisk morning air. My stomach's unknotted and my brow is not furrowed. Any tears in my eyes are not those of pain, but those of euphoria. For the first time in my life I've experienced what it means to cry from happiness. That's new. Once upon a time, my smile was fake. Now it's the realest smile I've ever smiled. Once upon a time I loved someone more than I ever thought possible, and I lost that someone. But that more fulfilling thing brought me to a new realization. The energy of that love has found new focus that's so much more meaningful:
Love of life
Love of myself
Love of writing and music and art of all forms
and most importantly:
Love of this beautiful world, and those who are in it. My friends and my family, at work, at school, abroad and at home - you have given me so much, and you have opened my eyes to what has been right in front of me this whole time.
I used to say "I will love again," and while I know I was referring to romantic love, that does not matter. I already do love again. Once upon a time I'd lost faith in love. Once upon a time, I was blind.
But now I can see.
For any of you who are suffering through painful times, i know this is a platitude, but I have to say it:
It will get better. The pain will pass and you will find a new appreciation of the things in your life that you never knew you could have. You will love again, and it doesn't matter whether you're thinking romantic or any other kind of love - it's hard to love after the loss of a loved one. Whether that loss is through death or through break up - and I experienced both - love can be difficult, because you learn to fear loss and the pain. But eventually you will see that the pain, the cost of loving, is always worth it. You learn from what was bad, cherish what was good, and move on to something even better.
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