It's the steps, no matter what size they are, no matter which direction they go, that are vital to knowing where you are. Only when you're standing still do you forget how far you are (or aren't) in the process of healing.
I saw my ex-girlfriend this weekend. I was in the city and thought it would be okay for me to contact her. So I did. We went out and got coffee and had a wonderful conversation. And then, afterwards I met with my sister and her roommate and felt a rush of overwhelming emotion. It was far more difficult than I thought it would be, or than I wanted it to be. I know people ask me why I even want to bother being friends with her and that they say I should cut her out forever, but I cannot help but want a friendship with her.
However, she is farther along on the road to healing than I am. I knew it was something I needed to do - getting coffee with her. It showed me exactly where I am, and gave me an eye on what I need to do to continue in the right direction. It even showed me what the right direction is. I know now that I am not nearly as far along in this as I want to be, but a damn sight farther along than I could be.
Overall, my mood is less than happy. Reflective. Today I'm struggling. But I know myself better than I did before the coffee. So much learning is happening these days.
No comments:
Post a Comment